10 Reasons Why I Have a Genius Toddler

I read a blog the other day by someone whose baby is a genius. Like, no shit, their baby is a real live genius and they decided to tell the whole world about it. So it got me thinking, perhaps I’m overlooking my child’s geniusness (is that a word??). And sure enough I was right. I’d been underselling my son’s bona fide genius skills for too long. So I’ve decided I should share my genius toddler’s top ten skills with the world.

1. He’s really good at knowing when it’s nearly time for bed and immediately starts his ‘silly buggers’ act as I like to call it, trying to avoid bedtime as long as possible. I like to think this shows excellent psychic skills.

2. He’s great at throwing food around the kitchen. He can get it really high and behind the radiator. That’s a pretty hard angle to be fair, if he keeps it up I’m sure he’ll be playing for the NBA junior league in no time at all.

3. He’s amazing at tidying up. In fact he’s quite adamant about tidying up (especially at bedtime) and goes to great pains to slowly pick up each mega block brick and place it in the box. Admittedly he then tips the box upside down and scatters them around the room. (Maybe on reflection this skill needs a little working on.)

4. He’s pretty fab at climbing on things. I’ve caught him on the edge of the bath, on windowsills, on tables. You name it he can get there. I think I might start campaigning for climbing to become an Olympic sport so his skills can be recognised.

5. He’s red hot at running. Everyone always comments on how fast he is, usually as they see my backside chasing after him. To be honest, it’s all relative and when he’s got me red faced and puffing on his tail it tends to give the impression that he’s a mini Usain Bolt without him having to even get into second gear.

6. He has great repetition skills. Especially when I ‘accidentally’ swear. Even his pronunciation is spot on at moments like this. A real little communicator in the making. Just please God, don’t go showing off these skills at nursery.

7. Flooding the bathroom. Admittedly this is a new skill. And one he was lucky I gave him the freedom to explore. Somehow he was unattended in the bathroom for, well for longer than was very wise let’s put it that way, and (thanks to genius skill no. 4) he managed to climb up on the ledge to reach the sink. He then proceeded to block the plug and turn the tap on full blast. On my arrival the mat was practically floating out the door. What a star. And only two years old.

8. Drawing. He has a great ability to get hold of pens even when you’re sure they are out of reach (see that skill no. 4 just keeps aiding him whatever he does). I think he’s going to be one of those adventurous artists when he grows up, he’s not constrained by a canvas, oh no, he can draw on any media (that means clothes, skin, floors and walls to the rest of us).

9. Moving. He’s absolutely amazing at moving and has been since about age three weeks. In fact I’d go as far as to say that he pretty much never stops moving. TV on? He’s running back and forth to the screen constantly to give it a reassuring touch. In the high chair? He’s squirming all about and kicking anything in leg reach. Having some milk? His legs are flailing all over the place. Playing a game/doing a jigsaw? He’s jumping up and down non-stop. And if he’s not doing anything at all? Well, he’s doing it whilst simultaneously running round in circles. Seriously, I kid you not this little one could win an award for his ability to not stay still.

10. You know I actually got stuck coming up with number ten, but nine skills didn’t feel quite right. No, not because he didn’t have enough talents but because there was too many to choose from. Like his ability to empty things (cupboards boxes, draws), break things (plates, toys, clocks), bang things (anything), and just make general noise and chaos!

As it turns out, it’s pretty exhausting to parent a genius kid after all. Perhaps I’ll try to convince him I’d be just as happy with an average kid. You know, one that just kind of sits there. Surely they exist. Don’t they?

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