No matter how long this* goes on for, I am still struck by those moments where I crave human connection more than all else. Those moments when I’m so amazed and astounded by something my son has done that my yearning to share it boils out of me. I turn, scanning the vicinity for another face, another human who has witnessed what I have. Even a stranger’s eye is better than none. I want someone else to have observed that instant. I want to share that moment with another being, even if just for a second, even if it is just a passing glance, a subtle smile, or head nod to acknowledge the beauty and wonder in that trice. I want to find another person who, upon observing the same event, feels even a fraction of the astonishment that I feel on a daily basis at all the wonderful things my child says and does.
The moment could be something simple or incredible. This time it was as simple as a beach ball. We were playing in a pool on holiday. A child threw a beach ball across the pool. My son looked up, he saw it flying through the sky and land, splash, onto the water beside him. The sparkle in his eyes expressed the awe and amazement that was oozing out of him. He squealed in delight and jumped up excitedly – he couldn’t quite believe what he had just seen. His reaction to this seemingly simple moment was, to me, one of the most incredible things I had ever had the pleasure to experience. It overwhelmed my own heart with love, and made me feel so proud to be connected to this little boy who could take so much joy from something so innocuous. A boy who shows his emotions on his sleeves, not yet encumbered by any of the pretence of us adults, a boy who beams pure unadulterated joy in almost every move he makes.
Immediately after the ball had splashed into the water, my son turned quickly to look for me. Seeking the validation that I too was searching for. He wanted to know that I had seen this beautiful scene of the beach ball sailing through the sky, like a bubble of brightly coloured air. He wanted to know that I too shared his joy and happiness of the spectacle that he had observed. And so it was, that this beach ball taught me that we are all searching for someone to share our joy with. That we all have an innate drive in us, as parents, as children, as humans, to share the wondrous things we see everyday. As a parent that wondrous thing is, more often than not, our own children and their mere existence.
On that day, as I scanned the pool looking for someone to smile at, to gain comfort from a fellow human’s acknowledgement of my own emotions, I failed. No-one else had seen what I had, or if they had they were not struck with the same emotions as me. I was left hanging. It deadened the occasion, took away my joy and lessened the glory I was basking in only a split second earlier.
Now, later, as I write this, I realise that whilst I may not have someone else I can turn to for a reassuring smile, for an affectionate arm squeeze, or a look of love that simply says, ‘we made this amazing creature’, what I do have is a son who also wants to feel that connection, who wants to share his own joy and wonder with me. That realisation is sudden and strong in the moment and I promise, here and now, that, as much as possible I will push myself to be there for him. To share in his own wonder and ensure he never feels the loneliness of a searching, unmet look like I did in that swimming pool. I promise that I will be there to watch when he first jumps from a swing. I promise that I will be there to hear his first words read aloud from a book. I promise that I will give him that human connection so he can share his own happiness, and in doing so magnify it ten-fold. That human connection we all so clearly and dearly crave adds meaning to our lives, however young or old we may be. I hope that as he grows, I too will be able to share my own wonder in him, with him. It is through this sharing that we will be able to continue to develop the incredible bond between us that began at his conception.
*‘This’ is single motherhood and all the realities it entails.
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16th April 2016 at 6:29 pm
A really lovely and thought provoking post, thank you for sharing on #kcacols x
16th April 2016 at 6:37 pm
Thanks x
15th April 2016 at 12:42 pm
What a lovely written post, you have a way with words!:)
mainy – myrealfairy
#KCACOLS
15th April 2016 at 12:59 pm
Thank you 🙂
14th April 2016 at 7:42 pm
This is really lovely 🙂
I love moments like this. It’s amazing to see the world through our child’s eyes. Something so normal and somewhat mundane to us as adults can bring such joy and happiness to little ones 🙂
Laura xx
#KCACOLS
14th April 2016 at 9:11 pm
Thanks Laura. Yes it is. And it’s easy to forget as we get older x
14th April 2016 at 3:28 pm
Yep – I’ve been there. Sometimes its tough (actually, quite a lot of the time) but sometimes it’s the best, after all you get to raise them the way YOU think is best, you don’t have to pick up after a man and the kids and best of all, the bond you have is extremely strong because there is just the two of you #KCACOLS
14th April 2016 at 9:13 pm
Yes, its deffo great that you get to do what you want and raise them your own way! The bond is amazing too. Although to be fair I’d never pick up after a man anyway 😉
11th April 2016 at 11:10 am
This is SO lovely, and it is these magical moments that keep us going in the tough times! Thanks so much for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely x
11th April 2016 at 12:35 pm
Thanks Talya x
11th April 2016 at 12:43 am
This is really lovely! I actually think that this is something that children feel a lot themselves – they notice the simple, wonderful things and they look for people to acknowledge what they saw, did or felt. & the fact is that adults often don’t notice those little things, or the children who want them to notice. But parents do, whether there is one parent or two, we notice those things that our children want us to see and see the wonder they see, and that’s what matters for them & us. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday.
11th April 2016 at 8:02 am
Thanks. Yea, exactly. I think as a parent we look to share moments but children do it even more. I remember asking my mum to watch and being gutted if she missed something I was doing like jumping from the swing!
10th April 2016 at 8:25 pm
Lovely post. I admire you. #Kcacols
10th April 2016 at 8:49 pm
Thanks Becky.
10th April 2016 at 12:49 pm
Beautiful post. It makes me look at the world through new eyes, watching my daughter react to everything with such wonder and delight. 🙂
Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday x
10th April 2016 at 9:50 am
It’s amazing seeing the look in their eyes when something new or unexpected happens, although depends what it is…the other day Piglet suffered his helium balloon blowing away for the first time ever! It wasn’t pretty. #KCACOLS
10th April 2016 at 10:03 am
Yes it is isn’t it. But for sure not all the moments are ones you’d like to capture forever!! Hope piglet got over his loss 😉
10th April 2016 at 7:45 am
Beautiful post, really well-written and emotional xx #KCACOLS
10th April 2016 at 10:02 am
Thanks 🙂