Single Parent Support

Like most, I found becomming a single parent isolating and challenging. The best advice I received was to find a single-mum-best-friend locally. But how? I was going through a divorce – my most important connection had failed – the idea of making new ones felt impossible. I wish I’d known how to connect with the single parenting community and what an amazing support they are. Many of us are in the middle of some serious crap when we become single parents – divorce, abuse, infidelity, death. Others arrive here through choice. But either way challenges can and do arise. At such moments, we need our fellow people.

This guide aims to help those who have recently become a single mum. Please share it with single parents you know –  it might just be a life saver. These links are mainly UK based, if you have suggestions for others in your country, please do share them in the comments below. The more we can support our fellow single parents the better.

Living in Lockdown

We’re currently living in unprecedented times with the global coronavirus pandemic. This is creating unseen levels of pressure on single parents to be everything for their children 24/7, whilst also facing one of mankinds greatest challenges: isolation – both physcial and emotional. This puts additional pressures on one of the most intense relationships out there: single parent and child(ren). Currently, around 2 million single parents are in lockdown in the UK so how are we surviving?

First up, remember that the fact you’ve survived to this point shows your incredibly strong and resilient. These are just some of the reasons why single parents might actually find they are well placed to deal with this pandemic. But these experiences can also mean we were depleated before the virus took hold. Here are my three top tips on how to deal with lockdown as a single parent:

Try and build in rhythm to your day – some say routine, but that can be too much at times like this. Instead, try and find the natural rhythms which you all follow. When do you reach your limit? When are the kids best able to entertain themselves? Find times when you can spend focused time with the kids, but also – crucially – find time when they’re occupied and you can have a break for some exercise, hobby, phoning a friend, or whatever it is that keeps YOU sane. If they’re young this won’t be significant lengths of time, but even a few minutes will help.

Keep your expectations realistic, then revise them down seven more notches. Kids will regress in this time – it would be wierd if they don’t. You will regress in this time – or is that just me? Either way, kids’ attention spans are likely half of what you expect and their interest in being taught long division by their mum might just make it go to minus figures. Worst case scenario (it currently seems) is school won’t be on till September. If your kid has no ‘education’ in that time, they will be fine. I repeat – they will be FINE. Teachers will be working with children from incredibly diverse backgrounds to bring everyone back up to speed again in the new academic year, this gap will not be the making or breaking of their chances in life. Whatsmore, your child will learn things during this time, but instead of their times table it might be how to contribute to the smooth running of a home (aka clean that shit up now!), how to operate every electrical device you own with a screen, and how to negotiate family arguments more skillfully. Trust me, these are all worthy skills. Be realistic of what you can achieve in this time and scrap ideas of the home renovation plans. I’m finding this time is actually invaluable to learn about my kids and what makes them tick. If I can manage to understand them better, I will have achieved a huge amount.

Connect, connect, connect. It’s really hard, when your body aches from exhaustion, to find the energy to phone a friend, but if you can, try. There are also different single parent zoom meetings or online groups if one to one connections feel too intense at the moment. Connections with those who care are what will keep us going at this time. If you feel like you don’t have someone to listen to you, consider setting up a peer support listening partnership with another parent which will give you time to be heard in a non-judgemental manner. For more information, see the hand in hand parenting website.

And whatever, you do, remember we are in the middle of a global pandemic. The most important thing is to keep you and your little ones safe and however many hours of TV that requires is – OBVIOUSLY – fine.

Online Communities 

Face to Face Groups

Losing a Partner 

Arts and Culture 

If you’re looking for books for your child which can help you talk about single parenting and broach some of the challenging topics that often go with lone parenthood, then I’ve put together a list of books for children from babies right through to young adults – featuring single mums and single dads. This is also a great list. This is another a good list of books for 0-10 year olds on divorce/separation and single parenting. And one more list of books for modern families which includes topics such as divorce.

Single Parent Holidays 

• This women’s cooperative run holiday home in Yorkshire is open for women and children only and has a staggered fee rate making it more affordable than most options. Their place is fully equipped making it a relatively simple getaway (and surrounded by stunning scenery).
• Single With Kids
• Single Parents on Holiday
• Campmates – specialise in camping holidays where the gear is all set up
• Mango Holidays (not an exclusively single parent holiday company but they have some holidays for single parents)

There’s also the option of going it alone. I’ve done it a fair bit with my little one and although it’s challenging, it’s also pretty amazing. This post links to lots of solo parent travel stories if you’re looking for some inspiration. There is also a Single Parent Travel Club on Facebook where you can join forces and arrange to travel together – sounds like a perfect solution to me and of course this is also where your local single parent group comes in handy. I’ve travelled across the UK and further afield with other single mums I’ve met and we’ve been able to share family rooms/ apartments to keep the costs low.

“I Can’t Cope” 

If you’re a single parent I wish you all the luck in the world. It’s an unbelievably hard, but amazing, job. Single parenting has benefits for us as well as our children, so ignore the scapegoating rubbish we so often hear and remember you’re great!

What’s your best tip for single parent support? Do you have a favourite blog/support group? Share them here or on my Facebook and I’ll try to incorporate them.

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