Having a big baby is both a blessing and a curse. If you’ve had one, then you’ll know what I’m talking about.
1. You’re fed up with the comments and questions. Does it really matter how tall his dad is*? No, I’m not over feeding him. If you look a little closer you will tell he’s not a one year old – development and size are not always related. And as for the blatant insults about his size, just stop.
2. Medical professionals will constantly highlight a concern and then backtrack when they find out he’s only on breast milk/ you’re not giving more formula than the recommended amount/ she’s only eating broccoli and carrots.
3. The backache is real. And the wrist strain and all the other aches and pains from carrying a big baby. So, sadly, is the concern that you won’t be able to carry them for much longer and it breaks your heart a little.
4. Night lifting is the worse. How is it they put on 5kg between the hours of midnight and 5am?
5. Baby growth percentiles were left for dust at about day four. Your baby has invented their own percentile, something resembling 204.
6. No, it’s not that easy to baby-wear. Yes I know you did baby-wearing with your five year old. Your five year old probably wasn’t a floppy being with no core strength though, was she?
7. It’s hard to find clothes to fit. Snow suits are an absolute no-no for those chunky thighs. It’s all about the leggings and super stretchy materials.
8. You still worry about them when they’re sick or go off their milk and have dry nappies. Having extra chunk doesn’t mean they don’t need a regular supply of nutrients and hydration.
9. Talking of sick, just as it seems they can hold a lot in their stomach, so it would seem they can explode a lot. When these babies are sick, be prepared to feel like someone has just tipped a pint all over you and then some. I’ve had numerous nights where I’ve ended up changing my own pyjamas more than once.
10. People assume you don’t know your pounds from your kilos. Yes, actually that is his weight in kilos…not pounds. Yes, really.
11. If you have an older child they can share nappies, no more running out of the wrong size. Bonus.
12. They regularly get plonked on the floor exactly where you are because holding them is just too much. At a party recently mine spent half of it under the table. Safe for baby, and great for mummy’s back.
13. It’s annoying and inaccurate to say the weight will just fall off them when they get mobile. Really? Cause my son’s the weight of an average three year old and assuming he doesn’t lose weight (which is inadvisable in the very young) then realistically he can’t “even out” until he’s at least four.
14. As they develop, so does their frustration with their lack of mobility. Their mind tells them to move, but their body hasn’t quite developed the core strength to do so. If you weight almost twice as much as your counterparts, it’s going to take a little longer to lift that body mass of the floor. But when you do, there will be no stopping you.
15. When it comes to nappy changes there’s no lifting their legs in the air, instead you roll them on the side. Or if you didn’t before, you will now you know this trick.
16. For those with littles who need rocking to sleep each nap and bedtime routine feels like an epic gym workout.
17. The cuddles and kisses are out of this world. Think big arms grasping you tight; pudgy little cheeks squished against your face. When you bury your lips in those squidgy cheeks you disappear a little, literally and metaphorically. Bliss.
*This is an especially sensitive (i.e. annoying) question for those of us with dad-free families.
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