I know it may seem like the market for random crap for our little ones is somewhat saturated, but I’m pretty sure there is a massive gap in the market for these top ten products for parents (I have patents pending so don’t go stealing my ideas!).
1. The breakfast cereal for over energetic little ones. Kind of like the well-known cereal that keeps kids going all day… only the exact opposite. Perfect for taking the bounce out of their mood and slowing them down to, oh I don’t know, how about the speed of a tired, bedraggled mum, that would do me just fine.
2. The cage-cot*. Controversial I know, but really it’s for their own safety. Basically it’s like a cot but with a lid on the top which you open to lower them in. Main selling point is that it is guaranteed to prevent escapees jumping the cot sides in the middle of the night. Who wouldn’t want to invest in one? After going through this emotional roller coaster when my son learnt to scale his cot I’d be more than happy to test ride a prototype.
3. A talking night-time clock with movement sensor. This clock would sense as a child was about to get out of bed, and immediately let out a shrill scream of your choosing. My favourite so far is, “get back in the fucking bed NOW” (this is assuming they out grew their cage-cot or you haven’t got your hands on one yet). Added features include, adjustable time set for the lazy mums who don’t want to be woken before 9am. Here is a more detailed description for any would be designers.
4. Glitter that doesn’t get everywhere. This is one of those products I have no idea how to even begin going about creating, but that’s for the designers’ right? Every time I do glitter art fun with my son, it seems to still be on every plate, piece of fruit and all our clothes for a good week or more. It gets everywhere and is impossible to clean away (although admittedly if I got the hoover out more than once a month that might help).
5. A travel cot that you can actually travel with. Seriously, why is this so difficult? Most travel cots weigh more than the entire contents of my backpack for a one month trip round South East Asia…in fact, they are so heavy I specifically didn’t take one with me on my one month trip round South East Asia…cue one month of very little sleep. Not everyone travels with a four by four – a lightweight, travelable, travel cot may actually be in demand you know folks.
6. Self-cleaning clothes. I have no idea how you do this but come on, humans have been to the moon, surely someone can invent clothes that can just stay clean and prevent the need for hundreds of costume changes a day.
7. An actual non-spill cup. I’ve gone through so many cups in my son’s life but there always seems to be leakages. Admittedly it might need to be made of titanium to withstand all the throwing on the floor it has to cope with, oh and a child lock as my son can unscrew most of them. Apart from that it should be simple enough.
8. An energy transferrer. OK, so I know this is probably getting into the realms of science fiction, but really if we can get energy from the sun why not my son? I’m pretty sure he’s actually a ball of high energy gas too. I’m constantly being asked, ‘where does he get his energy from?’ Given I know how little he sleeps and how I feel in comparison, I can’t help but assume that somehow he is sucking it all from me, so really it’s only fair that I take a little back to put us on a more equal footing.
9. Shoes that grow with the child. Shoes are about the only thing I buy my son, then he has the cheek to outgrow them super-fast. Perhaps they could be like those old school skate attachments you used to have as a kid (see photo). Only probably better to not have the wheels on them until they are school age. There would need to be a bit more material to keep little ones feet dry in a UK winter summer though.
10. Something, ANYTHING to make them sleep. I guess what I’m talking about here are drugs with no side effects… Anyone?
Who else has got any ideas for products for parents that we are all actually in need of?
*I did try to google some images of such a cot to share with you, but all the ones I found were under the title ‘cruel’ and/or ‘punishment’, so I thought that might not quite be getting across the image I’m looking for. You could have little toys and teddies hanging from the rails above to make it more cosy for the child. It doesn’t have to feel like a cage, just act like one.
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